Our egos have an interesting way of camouflaging our intentions. What may appear on the outside to be a nice gesture may actually be a self-serving ego at work. This concealment of truth not only affects those outside of us, but our ego’s motives are often equally hidden from ourselves. In other words, we often lack the self-awareness to see through our own ego games and don’t even know we are being manipulative. Then, we can’t understand why the world responds to us negatively.
Our spirit essence is all about being loved and being loving. We are here—on a spirit level— to love, learn, laugh, create and serve. Our egos, however, get the concept of being loving and being loved all confused and think that these are something we NEED to do, missing entirely the reality that we don’t “need to get/do” that which we already have and are.
Instead, the ego sets out on a mission to fulfill a perceived need love and be loved. This ego agenda, ironically, completely blocks our ability to do so with purity. Rather than just being loving and loved, we become manipulative in order to give and receive love. Our need to love others becomes a manipulative effort to control them (so that they will become lovable to us). Our need to be loved by others becomes a manipulative effort to gain approval. When we operate instead from a pure place of authenticity, people can’t help but love us and we are filled with love, understanding, empathy and compassion for them, as well.
The difference between operating from the ego or the spirit can be quite subtle and from the outside may look identical, but it doesn’t feel the same. Let’s look at this with what I call the “Tissue Issue.”
When someone is crying and we offer them a tissue, we can do so from our own ego-need for control, in which case the simple act of offering a tissue can actually (energetically) say, "Stop crying...I'm uncomfortable with your tears...." Our ego wants them to stop so that we can more easily love them.
Or, if we offer it from our need for approval, the tissue can really say, "Aren't I wonderful and caring? Notice how loving I am." In this case, we are not really the caretaker, rather we are hoping that the crying person will then acknowledge us (taking care of our need for approval). This will satisfy the ego’s need for love.
Or, we can offer a tissue from a place of authentic purity in which there is no expectation or need for the person to stop, and no need for acknowledgement. This is the purified state of authentic living, doing what needs to be done without an ego agenda of manipulation.
When I walked the labyrinth at the Chartres Cathedral, I unexpectedly found myself sobbing overwhelmed with the devotion of 800 years of people walking the labyrinth and the amazing effort of those who built the labyrinth (and the cathedral). As I sat in the center sobbing, I saw an anonymous set of shoes move past me and suddenly there was a much needed tissue on my knee. The tissue said neither "stop crying", nor "look at me." It was simply a pure offering of love and a practical solution to a need with no ego attached.
I share this with an invitation to practice the concept of self-observation and inquiry. Begin to notice what you are doing, saying and thinking and begin the process of awareness as to the motive. Ask yourself, Is this about my need for approval or control? is this pure/authentic? Notice that it may not at all be the action that is the problem, but the source of the action that needs to switch.
Often, the action or words used may end up being exactly the same, but when the energy motive from which they come is different, the action is received very differently, as well.
I invite you to become adept at what I call the Five Essential Life Skills* as a means of getting back to center when they are out of alignment.
The five skills, in a nutshell, are
1) Remember who you really are (spirit/love),
2) Self-Observe (what are you doing, saying, thinking, imagining?),
3) Let go of that which you aren't (The ego needs of approval and control)
4) Realign with your authentic self and
5) Choose actions in alignment (with who you really are and what you are trying to create.)
As you practice this level of self-mastery, you will begin to notice the world responding to you differently. Ironically, the ego camouflages our false motives (control/approval), and underneath those is actually the pure motive of love. It is time to purify our actions.
**I have a longer description of these 5 skills on my blog www.AskEveAdvice.com (look on the right hand side and it will show you where) if you are interested. My books, "Way of the Winding Path," and "How to Love Your Marriage" both speak to these as well.
As Halloween is approaching, people are trying to figure out which costumes to wear and which personalities to adopt in answer to the question, “What are you going to be for Halloween?”
Our egos have an interesting way of camouflaging our intentions. What may appear on the outside to be a nice gesture may actually be a self-serving ego at work. This concealment of truth not only affects those outside of us, but our ego’s motives are often equally hidden from ourselves. In other words, we often lack the self-awareness to see through our own ego games and don’t even know we are being manipulative. Then, we can’t understand why the world responds to us negatively. 
